How Adults Can Help Kids Build the Relationships They Need to Thrive
Every young person needs at least one adult who truly sees them and cares about them.
That kind of connection can shape a student’s path. It can help them stay in school, avoid drugs, and get through difficult times.
Yet one in five students report having no developmental relationships in their lives, and another 20% say they have only one. Millions of kids are growing up without steady support from adults who guide, encourage, and believe in them.
That’s a clear gap, and a chance to step in.
Educators are in a unique position to help. Every day, students show up in classrooms where small actions can lead to lasting change. The tips below are designed for educators and backed by research.
If you’re a parent, keep reading.
You’ll find helpful ideas here too, and there’s a section just for you at the end.
Why Relationships Matter
Caring relationships are one of the strongest protective factors in a student’s life. Research from multiple sources confirms this.
- The Search Institute identifies five elements that drive developmental relationships: Express Care, Challenge Growth, Provide Support, Share Power, and Expand Possibilities. These relationships improve motivation, resilience, and long-term success. (source)
- The CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey shows that students who feel connected to school adults and peers report better mental health and lower substance use. (source)
- The Harvard Center on the Developing Child calls consistent adult relationships the key ingredient in building resilience. (source)
This work connects to a bigger picture. The Developmental Assets Framework, built on decades of research, outlines the most important resources kids need to grow up well.
One of the most critical? Supportive relationships.
Kids who feel supported by adults are more likely to make healthy choices and stay on track.
These findings are consistent. Relationships matter. And schools are one of the few places where every young person interacts with adults every day.
What Educators Can Do That Makes a Real Difference
Building supportive relationships doesn’t require adding new lessons or reworking your curriculum.
What makes the biggest difference are small, intentional actions woven into the routines you already have in place.
Six Ways to Build Supportive Relationships in the Classroom
You don’t need to set aside extra time. The ideas below fit into routines and conversations you’re already having.
1. Use Quick Check-Ins
A 20-second greeting or follow-up question can shift a student’s sense of belonging. It shows that someone notices them.
Try:
- “You seemed focused today.”
- “Did your game go well last night?”
Even short moments of recognition build trust over time.
2. Pair Students with New Voices
Social dynamics in school can be rigid. Rotate groupings so students interact outside their usual circles.
Use:
- Random pairings during activities
- Rotating partners for ongoing assignments
- Structured peer support check-ins
This helps students feel seen and valued by more people in the room. These shifts can help create more inclusive spaces.
3. Model What Support Looks Like
Many students don’t know what a healthy adult relationship looks like. Use examples to make it concrete.
Use:
- Short videos or podcasts featuring athletes, artists, or leaders describing a mentor
- Class discussions about trust, boundaries, and encouragement
- Prompts that ask students to describe someone they admire and why
This helps students imagine and seek out similar support in their own lives.
4. Normalize Asking for Help
Students often think asking for help is a weakness. Shift that narrative by naming it as a strength.
Try:
- “I checked in with a colleague before grading these. It helped.”
- “Asking for help means you care about getting it right.”
Make support visible. Post contact info for counselors or student support staff in your classroom. Offer reminders about school-based and community resources.
5. Know Where to Refer Students To
You don’t need to take on everything. But you can help connect a student to someone who can. When something feels off, step in and point them to help.
Know:
- Who handles mental health referrals in your building
- What after-school programs or mentor groups are available
- How to refer a student discreetly when they need more than a listening ear
Students are more likely to reach out when they trust you know what to do next. Being the connector matters.
6. Notice and Name Strengths
Students often hear what they’re doing wrong. Flip the script by naming what they’re doing right.
Say:
- “You’re a great problem solver.”
- “You stayed calm when your group got off track.”
- “You’re someone people listen to.”
These observations help build confidence. The Search Institute refers to these personal interests and abilities as “sparks.”
These sparks are what we call natural highs – passions, interests, and strengths that inspire students to stay engaged and make healthy choices. Helping students discover and protect their natural high is at the core of our curriculum.
7. What Parents Can Do at Home
Home is the foundation. The more steady support students have there, the better they do in school and life. You don’t need to be a “perfect parent” to make an impact. Small, steady actions matter.
Start with these 5 ideas:
- Ask questions during everyday routines. Try talking in the car or while cleaning up.
- Share your own stories. Mention times you leaned on someone or made a mistake.
- Help your child name trusted adults. Ask who they go to at school or in their community.
- Call out what you notice. Let them know what you admire or appreciate. Point out strengths like kindness, creativity, or patience.
- Keep showing up. Even when teens act like they don’t need it, your presence matters.
If things feel awkward at first, that’s okay. Keep the door open. The goal isn’t to solve every problem, it’s to be a steady, trusted presence.
One strong relationship can change everything for a student. Many already have that person. Some don’t.
As an educator, you can increase the odds they’ll find the support they need – not by doing more, but by doing what you already do with more intention.
Every person deserves to feel noticed, respected, and valued. You can help your students know there’s an adult who’s paying attention.